10 Ways to Fill Your Cup.

That is the title of an article that my wife handed me some time ago.  So, for months this has been sitting my desk “begging” me to deal with it.  Since today is cold and snowy, and outdoor works is just not in the works, it is time to focus on what is obviously a necessary task.  This article is based on research by Dr. Brook Harmon, and several other collaborators.  Since I like to “borrow” and adapt, I like to give credit where credit is due and this is no exception.  Thank you, Dr. Harmon, for publishing this, I hope to give it a little more life in this space.

 

Harmon begins the article with a question, “Which Bible character, story or teaching do you think about when you consider the importance of being healthy as a pastor?  When I first graduated, and as teen, I thought of Jeremiah.  The older I get and the more miles behind, the story of Elijah after he had faced down the prophets of Baal at Mt. Carmel.  What would you say?  Harmon asks the question, as many of us have not considered this when it comes to our pastoral life and health.  As pastors we are torn in many different ways and directions, caring for family, the congregation, the community.  When do we take care of ourselves?  Maybe we learned the “injunction”: “Better to burnout than rust out.”  However, if either prematurely stops us in the path God has called us, then it is probably time to consider alternatives.

 

In 2022 Barna found that Protestant pastors were dealing with high levels of burnout (due to stress, loneliness/social isolation and political divisiveness, among other factors).  Other factors facing pastors are conditions such as depression and obesity. (Don’t you just hate it when the Doc says you need to lose weight!  However as one who did, it does make a difference.)  When you compare pastors to the general population, there is a higher rate of both depression and obesity among us than the general population. (How’s that for positive news!)

 

While this could easily devolve into another one of those mantras on exercise and proper diet, there are other practices that are just as important.  One researcher looked into the connection between caring for yourself while caring for others, by researching nurses.  Like nursing, pastoring is a caring profession where pastor seek to help the spirit filled person.  This researcher found ten caritas (I had to look this one up to, and it means charity, or the Christian love of others.)  What follows are 10 ways you can show “Christian love” to yourself, that will empower you to show and share that love with others.

 

1. Practice Loving Kindness. We all know Matthew 22:39, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  We like to quote and preach on that, but to love others we have to love ourselves first and treat ourselves with compassion.  We can easily identify how to love others, but how are you doing in practicing loving-kindness towards yourself.  Filling your cup in this way gives you the capacity to then love those around you.  Putting this into Practice.  Put a note somewhere you see regularly that reminds you there are things you are proud of about yourself. (No this is not narcissistic; it is a matter of understanding that God loves you and gave you the gifts and abilities you have.)  Then show yourself the grace and compassion you show others through positive self-talk. (Remember you are somebody, because God loves you!)
2. Instill faith and hope. As pastors we regularly meet and listen to people in a variety of settings.  It is hard, at times to be authentically present while helping them find faith and hope. Putting into Practice.  Write down your thoughts and emotions that come up as you prepare for or debrief from counseling sessions, meeting and other interactions with those around you.  This kind of writing helps us to process our emotions and be more present.  As a licensed therapist I do this after each counseling appointment. First it helps me remember what we talked about, and second it is a way of closing that case before I go onto the next person.  It sounds simplistic, but trust me it allows me to clear my head and listen once again.
3. Creative problem-solving/decision making: As you work to care for yourself, think outside the box when solving problems.  Continuing the same practice repeatedly, when it has stopped working is quite simply stress inducing (and could also be called insanity.) Try something different, my mother used to say, “Try something, even it is wrong!”  Her point was this, doing something different changes things up, and new ways may emerge.  Don’t be afraid to try, if Thomas Edison had quit after the first few attempts to make a light bulb, we might still be in the dark!  Putting into Practice.  Take a look at your schedule and self-care practices.  What is no longer working?  Where do you need to rearrange your schedule to find time for physical activity, healthy eating and sleep!  If you cannot solve this on your own, remember in many advisors, there is wisdom.  Don’t be afraid to ask a friend or seek our professional support.
4. Cultivate your own spiritual practices: Is there a time in the day when you focus on your own spiritual life? This is not sermon prep, or Bible Study development for others, but time when you sit down and reconnect with the God who calls you! This is time for you to offer your prayers to God, to listen to God’s word.  This has been found to move us past our own ego and allows us to be more present to those around us.  Keep in mind this is not a luxury; this is a necessity for staying strong in ministry.  Putting into practice.  Set aside time for reflection and focusing on the presence of God in your life.  The time may vary daily, but be sure and make this a priority in the day.  I liken this to the daily “briefing” that the military does.  If we don’t have our “marching orders” from our “Commander in Chief” for the day, we may miss an important assignment.
5. Increase your knowledge and understanding of yourself. Part of the ongoing journey of faith is to learn and grow in our understanding of God’s creation and path for us.  Looking for opportunities that let you grow as a person; also helps you find wonder in the world and God’s plan.  Putting into practice.  Perhaps start by taking a different rout to church or home.  You could also find a few minutes to try something you haven’t done since you were younger (jump a rope, throw a ball, skip stones).  More adventurous, take a class, learn a new skill, travel to a place you have never been before.  Or, and this is a bit self-serving on my part, take some time to find a place where you can reconnect with God and ask the questions that you have not thought about for a while.
6. Take holistic care for yourself. This is not “voodoo” medicine. To be at your best you must think about yourself holistically (physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.)  All these components of health are essential if we are to be the people God has called us to be.  It is not uncommon to focus on one area of health, letting the others slide, but we can all work toward a more balanced approach to health.  Putting into practice.  Think about how do you care for yourself, or if you care for yourself.  Are you neglecting an area of health: eating healthy, resting, getting regular activity?  Can you take one small step towards establishing or re-incorporating this aspect of health into your routine: keep fruit in the refrigerator, go to bed 1 minutes earlier, or schedule some sort of movement (30 minutes of light exercise a day, that does not have to be all at once) like walking, biking, or light weight training.  Maybe start with a couple of days this week?
7. Develop and sustain helping, trusting and caring relationships. For many of us that is easier said than done.  However, the effort to cultivate these will pay their dividends.  Relationships where you feel safe and have trust are invaluable.  They can provide an outlet for stress reduction, allowing us opportunities to be vulnerable and increase our emotional caring abilities.  While this can be challenging, establishing these kinds of relationships are part of being a good steward of your mind, body and spirit.  Putting into practice.  Cultivating relationships you can trust, come in various formats.  It might be a pastor’s only exercise group (or a group of men with whom you chose to work out with).  Or it might be a Bible study group, of pastors or leaders in your community.  You could seek out another pastor to be your mentor, or seek to mentor a younger pastor in your region.  In this day and age, why not look to social media, maybe you can connect with the men or women you went to Seminary with to support each other over a distance.  The reality is this, we were not made to live in isolation, but in community, and as pastors we need this as much if not more than the members of our congregations.
8. Create healing environments around you. This may sound a little bit extreme, but the environment around you makes a difference.  Your social (friends and family), home and work environments (the people and physical setting) can create stress or be places of healing.  Then don’t neglect the natural environment.  In the 1980’s “forest bathing” emerged in Japan and since then we have learned a lot about the mental and physical benefits of being in nature. (Based on my research, if you get out into a natural environment, outside of four walls, for at least three days your blood pressure will go down, your cortisol will decrease and your ability to solve complex problems will go up.)  Putting into practice.  Eat lunch outdoors, take your meetings outside.  Take a walk through a park (And for “extra benefit” take your significant other and hold hands while you walk.  You have to trust me on this one for now).  As you do this pay attention to the world around you, the sights, sounds and smells.
9. Support the expression of positive and negative feelings. Takes you back to that book, Everything I need to Know I learned in Kindergarten.  The reality is most of us feel we can only express or show positive feelings.  This is not the lessons we learned in kindergarten; however, it does match what culture and the church would say to us.  However, God created us with both positive and negative emotions.  One of my mantra’s in counseling is this: “Show me a couple who never fights and I want to know which one is dead?”  Get the idea?  When you stifle negative emotions, they will come out in ways like high blood pressure, headaches, insomnia and or anxiety.  Putting into practice.  Cultivate a relationship with a group of trusted peers, or find a pastoral counselor with whom you can discuss you joys and concerns with openly.  Whatever you do, not bottle these negative emotions, as they will have consequences.
10. Support your belief in the God who called you. I can be hard to let go and not try to micro-manage the world around us.  However, as I often repeat to others: “I am in sales not management.”  This can be difficult in times like these with the 24-hour news cycles, competing ideals and beliefs, and then throw in natural disasters.  It begins to feel like the world is out of control.  However, reflect back and tap into the basis of your faith, that God is still on his throne, and regardless of how the world powers bluster, and blow, God has not abandoned his throne.  Then remember when you least expect it, God steps in, the miraculous takes place.  Focus, not on the world and news, but on the one who said: I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5).  Putting into practice. Taking time to review the promises of God, or looking at passages like Acts 2:42-47 or Matthew 5:1-12, or considering the miracles of God’s grace you have seen can be helpful in times of uncertainty